23.3.10

collective of (self-determined) wisdom

as i scroll over the hideous color scheme i switched to, i can't help but to smile. does it make me feel unique and special? a little, i won't lie. i'm intending to write this journal to myself, but if any form of an audience finds it translatable in the slightest, godspeed to you and hopefully we can be on the same level. even if just for a fleeting moment or whatnot, a speckle of dark chocolate adds some zest. i fully intend to spew things i learn in life and lessons i pick up. who knows if my mind will skew them from the truth at all, but maybe all truth wouldn't be interesting anyway.

actually, you know what? i'm going to make this into my own collective of (self-determined) wisdom. starting when? not now, as the early morning dribble flowing out of my fingers would be borderline mind-numbing. so this shall be it, a collection of advice i deem worthy on a scale based on almost no criteria whatsoever. i will masterfully impart these words to those seeking their insight. can one call it sanity? neigh, a twisted discharge of my mind. it t'will be a list format similar to zombieland's listing of rules by the main character.

here we go to life. as i sit here drinking my mint tea and typing out this brutal slaughter of the english language (mourn, ye english majors), i smile with the satisfaction of delving into a sector of myself that seems almost undiscovered until the past few months of my life. which sector? the one of being me in public, around strangers. why shun the true self when that's what you're cherished for? if people don't wish to get to know me more, i'd rather it be for being exposed to the real me than to think i'm someone that i'm not. obviously, for multiple reasons, i can't shatter the shackles that society mercilessly throws on one's arms and legs, but within the reason of identity, i feel so... released.

on campus at school, i play a recreational game involving nerf guns and running around like crazy. i've been playing for a few years now and strange looks are always shot our way each semester, even though it's now old news. it was today that a stranger walked up to me and asked what was going on. i explained to him that this was a game played for fun to take away from the constant stress of college life. i could tell he was holding back telling me that it seemed childish, but he said something along the lines of, ' this seems really strange, i'm not going to lie it's makes you seem weird'. he was being civil about it, so to this i replied and said that to each their own, and while nerf guns seem strange, all-in-all, the reason we play is a legitimate reason to play. i don't find a recreational stress relief to be strange. while the average person finds this a standard response, in my terms, it's a step in the direction of proudly being, well, me.

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