physics makes us all its bitches.
true beyond true. oftentimes during this season the assist goes to ice. i actually became very well acquainted with a patch of ice two days ago. needless to say one unhappy tailbone later, i found that ice was not too nice of an individual. i won't even talk to ice anymore, things are kind of tense between us. now i won't answer ice's phone calls, you know the kit and caboodle.
moving onto that lover-ly life thing. on a teetering scale, i've been back and forth with a certain individual as far as feelings are concerned. it's a thin layer of ice that often wavers in its strength. names will not be disclosed for obvious reasons. this past weekend was absolutely horrifying for me. what started as a fun and relaxed weekend hastily turned into 8-9 hours of horrendous frustration and anger. what occurred within that span was a relentless assault on me as an individual. a very questioning of my morals and intentions. of course for self-defense i threw a few insults and such, but majority were from being personally offended and abused.
i know that one thing that upsets me is over-complexity in a relationship, which this situation has reached well beyond my usual limit. that's not the major problem though. the major problem in my mind is how this individual truly crosses over some lines that should not be crossed. it has happened on several occasions and to this day bothers me. it's to the point where i actually feel i have to shelter myself for my own personal integrity. that to me doesn't seem like a basis for a healthy relationship. it seems to me to be part insecurity on my side, but also harshness from the individual's side. what happened this weekend really shed light on what this individual is capable of saying and accusing to someone they care about. it was unsettling to say the least.
i guess at this point the best way to phrase it would be that i feel bound by diplomatic shackles. what i desire is to feel free again, to no longer be bound by shackles. the situation has gotten to a point that it feels like diplomatically shuffling around instead of just... enjoying ourselves. chained by word choice and petty arguments. i despise the delicate dance of words and phrases. it's almost to a breaking point.
at this time, i'm almost at the point of withdrawing myself completely from the situation for my own mental stability. it's a great amount stress that during the semester when i'm about to graduate, i'm not sure if i can or want to deal with it. things seem too complicated currently.