i can't describe. good thing i have restraint from plowing my fist through this glass cover.
i update and edit this post to give a brief rundown of the situation.
i long to be happy with someone, this is a fact. although we're raised to be hard-shelled men i cannot help but to swoon every time i see a happy couple together. i wish so badly to hold the warm hand of an affectionate partner. someone to laugh with, to goof off, to get to know to the core. it's almost to the degree of being an illness. it's something that i've always noticed becoming increasing an issue as time progresses. maybe it's my want to settle down with a good fun-loving girl. someone who really brings out the best in me, both creatively and other ways. i long for someone spontaneous in the best of ways, just that impulse to do random fun things.i oftentimes daydream about fun things i'll do in the next relationship i'm in.
the only positive side of it all is that i know that i can live with it. i desperately want it, but know that i cannot force it and can be stable on my own. i'm also under the opinion if i can't stand alone, i shouldn't stand together. it makes sense in my mind at least.
it's kinda sad of how excited i am to once again make a girl feel special. i adore trying to make someone feel special in new and interesting ways.
note to self: on re-read, that sounded really desperate and depressing.